Friday, September 25, 2009

One Day in the Life of Mickey Kausovich

Mickey, in admittedly extreme form:

Maybe Landesman should order a viewing of The Lives of Others to underscore to them what (in admittedly extreme form) people who worry about politicizing funding for the arts are worried about.

The Lives of Others was about ... the problem of politicizing funding for the arts?

/deep breath


Holy shit! What fucking movie did Mickey fucking Kaus fucking watch? Does he think that the actress in the movie was repeatedly sexually assaulted by the high-ranking party official because she was worried about grants for her play? Here, I was thinking it was because she lived in a totalitarian state run by sociopaths with no tolerance for dissent or individual freedom ... when *all along* it was an allegory for the consequences of an unchecked National Endowment for the Arts!

[This is the same Mickey Kaus who mocked "privocrats" fears of data mining, right? ("Do you have an expectation of privacy when you check out a book from ... the government? I don't.") -- ed. Hey, you don't hear him complaining about tapping dissidents' phones and conducting warrantless searches of their homes, do you? "First they came bearing Jazz Masters Fellowships, and I said nothing because I am not a Jazz Master ..." -- ed.]


The Official Mickey Kaus Totalitarian State Reading List

Prisoner Without A Name, Cell Without A Number: The narrator's survival of brutal conditions as a political prisoner is a testament to the fundamental inefficiency of government-run programs.

Darkness at Noon: The protaganist's frustrating attempts at communication with the other prisoners is a convincing argument against subsidies for public radio.

The Gulag Archipelago: The camp massacres are vibrant metaphors for Peter Orszag's death panels.

1984: The poor quality of government-approved gin reveals fundamental problems with free market regulation.

Jesus Christ, Mickey. THE LIVES OF OTHERS?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Kausfiles Minus Kaus, Again

Wherein I remove whole sentences from context, etc. ...

Mickey (advancing a fairly standard "The hyperbolic and distinctly racist opposition to our black president is not because our black president is black!" argument):

It's that he's a relative newcomer, as Presidents go--an unknown quantity, an enigma, with a short track record and patches of that record left fuzzy. That means opponents can fill in the blanks with ominous possibilities. It makes paranoia more rational, if you will.

It's true! George W. Bush had only been an elected official for 6 years and had never held national office before he was essentially hand-picked by a group of plutocrats to be the nominee of the Republican party! Thus, when a major terrorist attack occurred eight months into his presidency, raising all sorts of ridiculous questions and advancing absurd hypotheses was a completely rational response because the president was a huge question mark.

Mickey Kaus, defender of Truthers. Who knew?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Which Is It?

Obama Administration Statements On The Public Option


A Nervous Boyfriend Trying To Talk His Girlfriend Into Anal Sex

"I’d be happy [if we didn't] do it ... and if there was a way of doing it that [was okay with you], I’m happy to do it that way, as well."

"I'm just kinda talkin' about how it might be okay to do. If you're into that sort of thing."

"No-one is being forced to [do] it."

"I see nothing wrong with having [it] as a choice."

"Whether we have it or we don’t have it, is not the [issue]."

"It's certainly not a deal-breaker."

"Only if you're cool with it."

"These are legitimate concerns, but ones, I believe, that can be overcome."

“I just want to figure out what works.”

"No, I'm just kidding! Unless you were serious ..."

Friday, September 18, 2009

Of Kanyes and Carters


Jimmy Carter cites racism as anti-Obama factor. Instant reaction: Kiss of Death. Gift to the GOPs. Remember the Carter era of smug moralizing? Anyone want to go back to that?

Did you know that, by now, nearly half the American population does not remember the Carter era of smug moralizing? (48% of the population was born after 1977). Ezra Klein sure as hell doesn't remember the Carter era of smug moralizing.

Mickey, again:

I've run into a surprising number of people who don't know that Obama called Kanye West a "jackass." Apparently the press' reluctance to publicize an off-the-record remark has worked to inhibit dissemination of what otherwise would be a juicy little bit of news. (Try to find a mention in the print Washington Post, for example.) But everybody's heard about Jimmy Carter saying that an "overwhelming portion" of animosity to Obama stems from "racism."

(To hell with your fancy polls and lines and numbers, Nate Silver! "A surprising number" of the population of "people who know and still talk to Mickey Kaus" randomly sampled by "running into Mickey recently" can tell us what we need to know!)

Huh. I wonder if the kind of people for whom Jimmy Carter has immediate relevance (not 48% of the population!) are just not the same kind of people who would obsessively follow the aftermath of the Kanye West VMA debacle? And I further wonder if the kind of people who know Mickey aren't more likely to follow the kind of news sources where Jimmy Carter is on heavy rotation (possibly alongside Osama bin Laden ...) as opposed to, say, Bossip? And the disconnect isn't due to some weird MSM plot gone awry, but instead to Mickey's limited worldview and advancing age?

Time for another Arcade Fire review, Mickey! Throw the young 'uns off the scent before they start rationing your end-of-life death panel! Or whatever!

P.S. Does "the press' reluctance to publicize an off-the-record remark" explain why the Downing Street Memo was basically ignored? Silly MSM! I knew there was a reason!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Another Possibility

Is the only reason that Mickey gives in to the Joe Wilsons and Sarah Palins of the world on health care because deep down Mickey *knows* that he's a complete buffoon who should never ever be taken seriously, and he desperately wants to destroy the only administration official that has ever show signs of listening to him?

And is it telling that this is the kindest possible explanation for the dreary slog that Kausfiles has become?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Hobbesian, Really

Uh, what?

“Good or bad, moral or immoral, people are going to make markets and trade via computers, and this is a natural area of financial engineers,” says Emanuel Derman, a professor at Columbia University and a former Wall Street quant.

Yup, out here in the jungle -- the perfect state of nature that exists south of Canal Street -- people are just inevitably going to execute complex trades relating to obscure financial products with insane amounts of leverage and without any oversight or regulation ...

It's just natural.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Nerve!


Obama Overexposure Tour continues. ... Next: Bloggingheads? Mediaite Office Hours?

I mean, what is it with this guy? Like he's President or something!!!

He Was Expecting Twenty Points, Easily

Here's Mickey mocking Obama because his primetime address failed to create a functional media in this country that would accurately explain the parameters of the measure instead of engaging in absolute worst kind of he-said-public-option-she-said-death-panels journalism didn't move the overall health care numbers that much.

Naturally, he brings on noted polling and stats expert Nate Silver Mark Blumenthal Jennifer Rubin to assure him that the cherries he picked were totally significant.

And, just as naturally, Nate Silver shows up to point out that Mickey is an idiot.

The circle of life ... goes on.


Also, looking at Mickey's preferred poll you notice things like this:

22. Would you support or oppose having the government create a new health insurance plan to compete with private health insurance plans? Do you feel that way strongly or somewhat?

-------- Support -------- --------- Oppose -------- No
NET Strongly Somewhat NET Somewhat Strongly opinion
9/12/09 55 33 22 42 11 31 3
8/17/09 52 33 19 46 11 35 2

So even though Obama's speech was an epic failure, he moved the needle on the public option from 52-46 to 55-42? We'll just have to wait for Mickey to update his post to include this interesting bit of information ...

Monday, September 14, 2009

You Lie!

You're going to be shocked -- shocked! -- that Mickey approved of Joe Wilson's heckling, and you're going to be dazzled -- dazzled! -- at the reason why.

While an ordinary person might have heard the shout as a perfect example of the kind of vaguely defined outrage available at your local teabagger/town hall protest ("[Obama] [something bad]!") except in second-person instead of third-, Mickey understands that Joe Wilson's nuanced "dissent" was intended to address "whether there is any verification mechanism that will actually stop illegals from getting coverage, whatever the law says."

(Apparently, the original quote was supposed to be "You lie about whether we have appropriate verification mechanisms to stop some migrant worker from getting his fracture set!" Must have been shortened for impact.)

This is of a piece, of course, as Mickey also thought that the random yahoos screaming at town halls were attempting to engage in thoughtful dialogue with the Peter Singers of the world over the relative value of life and our health care system's priorities, and will share with you why this is all Peter Orszag's fault.

I wonder, is there a word for the belief that the great and good American people (except for those nasty Democrats!) deep down share -- or would share -- your precise beliefs but are simply incapable of articulating it as well as you can, and therefore you should be allowed to speak in their stead?


Or just "Mickey Kaus"?

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Week That Was

Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Joining Ultra-Conservative Republicans To Kill A Meaningful Shot At Real Health Care Reform Because The Bill Contains No Guarantees Of Mickey's Immortality Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death Death