Monday, January 12, 2009

This Week In Hell

George Stephanopoulos: Welcome to This Week In Washington, where we've assembled a facile panel of idiots to try to tackle basic Keynesian economics. Newt Gingrich, Peggy Noonan, George Will, and Tom Friedman ... let's start!

Tom: We need to go big, go green, and go ... *smart*. We need to smarten up the government. It's all in my new book, "The Smartening: The Future Of Our Big Green Economy", available at your local airport bookstore and featured on the bookshelves of people you can't believe are more successful than you.

Peggy: Recession? What recession? All the rich people I know still have their money!

/sloshes martini

/actually said that

Tom: We need to harness the now, and roundify the flatness.

G. Will: You see, this all reminds me of something Samuel Johnson said that reminds me of the greatness of Ronald Reagan ...

Newt: My dissertation was on Belgian education policy in Africa. What could I possibly contribute to this conversation?

Tom: I've been to China. They have money in China, you know. China!


/puts on stupid hat, raps with Coolio

Tom: Here's what we say to Wall Street. Here it is. What we say is:

/gesturing with thumb and forefinger like he's about to throw a dart

If I can change ... and you can change ...

/furrows brow, moustache

Everybody. Can. Change.

/G. Will, Peggy, Stephanopoulos nod approvingly

Newt: Isn't that from "Rocky IV"?

G. Will: As I believe Cicero once asked: is Obama working hard? Or hardly working?

Newt: That's from a truck stop t-shirt!

Tom: Rammer. Jammer.

/long pause


/pushes fingers into palm


George Stephanopoulos: Thanks, everyone! Next week, we'll have Bill Kristol, Charles Krauthammer, Maureen Dowd and Mickey Kaus attempt to adequately explain the consequences of an unregulated derivative market.


/furiously masturbates to that commercial with Uncle Phil